1. When you first started integrating your lives in preparation for the shared living arrangement, there was the introduction of friends not made together—an untapped source of potential everything. And oh how flattering when his friends all think you are a thing to be worshiped, how delightful when your best friends leave a bonfire with great impressions.
Fast forward through a semester of friends, lovers, and lapses in judgment and the potential is slightly less prevalent. Though Roommate is the sole member of the (heterosexual) opposite sex with whom your interactions are strictly platonic, submitting to ego boosts and consequently exercising poor choices with his best friend (a few times) has rendered you in a rather awkward position since he has decided to move up here for spring semester.
You first noticed slight shifts in behavior after a few.. ”morning-afters,” in which attempted intimacy was far more than you’d generally appreciate or expect after that many drinks, but it was not until the best friend put his cell phone charger in your bedroom upon arrival for a weekend visit that you realized the severity of the situation. You quickly make it clear that he is here to visit his best friend and not some potential girlfriend. You have roommate tell him the same. Then, best friend gets drunk and tells you he loves you (and, of course, the quotes you pick out from Palahniuk books). Hah. You call him a train wreck and tell him to sleep on the couch. He doesn’t. (To be fair, you are also drunk and slightly flattered, though repulsed in the morning.)
Roommate did not feel it necessary to inform you of that darling tendency of his dear friend to quickly discard all notions of the term “casual.” He said he’s never seen him this way but to you it sounds like excuses, excuses.
2. He refused for a while to put down the toilet seat, claiming that it was gravitationally easier for you to put it down than for him to put it up.
3. He is good-looking but slightly inept, and therefore consistently coming to you for clarification and advice regarding your gender. When inebriated, he has been known to take your suggestions not as such, but rather literally. It’s slightly precious and slightly pathetic, but for the most part inconsequential to your relative existence.
However, when, in an exercise of said ineptitude, he decidedly chose to sleep with a friend of a (shared) friend with whom he had formerly exchanged fluids with for nearly a semester, you were thrown into a whirlwind of he-said, she-said bullshit in which you truly came to question why you are living with someone with the emotional and mental maturity, and more so sexual understanding of an amoeba.
Love triangles become love octagons when everybody is talking to everybody and the boy you live with is a dipshit. God love him. But really.
4. He and his friends, upon seeing 300, decidedly attempted for the entire semester to get Gatsby to respond to “Spartan.”
5. The incestuality of dating among the same pools of friends and subsequent love interests of the people you live with is far too little advised against. You learned (the hard way, of course) that it is unwise to set up the person(s) you cohabitate with with the friends of those with whom you are moderately romantically affiliated. It is not ideal for the boy you are seeing to text your roommate when you don’t immediately respond. It is even less ideal to get texts from the girl roommate is seeing regarding her insecurities and bitterness towards his incompetencies. You find yourself a conduit for jr. high romance at 2am more than once. You feel like a translator of idiocy. You are forced to tell them it is not your issue and that you are done. The next morning the one you are wasting your time on brings it all up again. It begins to feel like an endless cycle.
Fast forward through a semester of friends, lovers, and lapses in judgment and the potential is slightly less prevalent. Though Roommate is the sole member of the (heterosexual) opposite sex with whom your interactions are strictly platonic, submitting to ego boosts and consequently exercising poor choices with his best friend (a few times) has rendered you in a rather awkward position since he has decided to move up here for spring semester.
You first noticed slight shifts in behavior after a few.. ”morning-afters,” in which attempted intimacy was far more than you’d generally appreciate or expect after that many drinks, but it was not until the best friend put his cell phone charger in your bedroom upon arrival for a weekend visit that you realized the severity of the situation. You quickly make it clear that he is here to visit his best friend and not some potential girlfriend. You have roommate tell him the same. Then, best friend gets drunk and tells you he loves you (and, of course, the quotes you pick out from Palahniuk books). Hah. You call him a train wreck and tell him to sleep on the couch. He doesn’t. (To be fair, you are also drunk and slightly flattered, though repulsed in the morning.)
Roommate did not feel it necessary to inform you of that darling tendency of his dear friend to quickly discard all notions of the term “casual.” He said he’s never seen him this way but to you it sounds like excuses, excuses.
2. He refused for a while to put down the toilet seat, claiming that it was gravitationally easier for you to put it down than for him to put it up.
3. He is good-looking but slightly inept, and therefore consistently coming to you for clarification and advice regarding your gender. When inebriated, he has been known to take your suggestions not as such, but rather literally. It’s slightly precious and slightly pathetic, but for the most part inconsequential to your relative existence.
However, when, in an exercise of said ineptitude, he decidedly chose to sleep with a friend of a (shared) friend with whom he had formerly exchanged fluids with for nearly a semester, you were thrown into a whirlwind of he-said, she-said bullshit in which you truly came to question why you are living with someone with the emotional and mental maturity, and more so sexual understanding of an amoeba.
Love triangles become love octagons when everybody is talking to everybody and the boy you live with is a dipshit. God love him. But really.
4. He and his friends, upon seeing 300, decidedly attempted for the entire semester to get Gatsby to respond to “Spartan.”
5. The incestuality of dating among the same pools of friends and subsequent love interests of the people you live with is far too little advised against. You learned (the hard way, of course) that it is unwise to set up the person(s) you cohabitate with with the friends of those with whom you are moderately romantically affiliated. It is not ideal for the boy you are seeing to text your roommate when you don’t immediately respond. It is even less ideal to get texts from the girl roommate is seeing regarding her insecurities and bitterness towards his incompetencies. You find yourself a conduit for jr. high romance at 2am more than once. You feel like a translator of idiocy. You are forced to tell them it is not your issue and that you are done. The next morning the one you are wasting your time on brings it all up again. It begins to feel like an endless cycle.
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