Five Great Things About Living with a Boy

1. His lack of skill in the kitchen, combined with his hatred of doing laundry has inspired the agreement between the two of you that you will do all the cooking and his laundry, if he cleans the entire apartment and does the dishes. The glory of this is that his idea of cooking is making Top Ramen and the occasional sandwich when he’s drunk. It is not a difficult commitment to uphold. Not to mention the fact that you love cooking and would do it anyways, so it’s like getting a clean apartment for nothing. And as a feminist, but more so a generally lazy being, you refuse to serve him, which he cannot oppose without coming off like a chauvinist and an overall douche, so he respects it. It’s so sweet. Plus, while you’ve never had any real disdain for cleaning up in the kitchen, there is something utterly gratifying in sitting on the couch drinking beers at 2:00 pm with the dog, Gatsby, and often his friends (who all moderately worship you for your lasagna, your remarkable taste in music, and your ability to consistently outdo them with crude jokes while baking cupcakes) or yours (who all think it’s hilarious), while he does the dishes.

2. He automatically relinquished the larger of the two bedrooms, rationally knowing that you, a. have more stuff, b. take up more space, and c. would bitch about it endlessly until the six month lease was up (in a cute way). Also, you get the better shelf in the bathroom closet and don’t have to worry about him swooping your favorite t-shirt or mascara.

3. He is great for lifting, carrying, reaching, and moving things. Sure, he’s scared of spiders, so you’re the one who catches them and puts them outside, but he carried your cal king mattress all the way from the car, through the narrow-ass stairwell, to your bedroom. He brings your beach cruiser up the stairs after the two of you grocery shop, and never objects to getting a bottle of wine down for you from the liquor cabinet (which, with your short appendages, is just out of reach on tip-toe, the biggest flaw of the apartment, thus far). When he comes shopping with you, he carries your clothes around until you go to the fitting room. He doesn’t get mad when you refer to him as your purse.

4. He does not get emotionally overwhelmed and take it out on you. He is understanding when you get nervous before hosting your first Democrat party at the apartment and drink half a bottle of wine to calm down, rendering you too drunk to attend to the first guests who showed up an hour early, and so he makes small talk and tends to them for you while you get ready.

5. He ditched class to drive you to San Francisco last week to see your best friend and The Sounds, and meandered around the city for hours so that the two of you could celebrate her birthday and dancedancedance. In spite of mocking him excessively for his intramural flag-football games, he gets excited when you show up. He lets you mess around with his hair when he gets out of the shower, even though he never leaves the faux-hawk up. He gets drunk and compliments you, unlike girls, who get drunk and talk shit. He reads your favorite books at your suggestion, and sometimes the two of you stay home and watch Wes Anderson movies instead of going out. He reassures you when you are contemplative without making you feel like a dumb bitch. He makes you laugh when you are mopey or pissed with his stupid antics and jock stories. Even though he complains about looking homosexual, he still takes Gatsby out for walks, pink collar and all. He doesn’t get bitter when you tell him that your dog is more masculine and sexually secure than he is, and that Gatsby is straight but not narrow and that he should try to be the same.